a new chapter

it's been a while since i wrote consistently here. and a lot has changed since those times. i am usually in denial - always wanting to continue from where i've left of. but in those spaces where i stop writing, i've changed and the circumstances have evolved.

personally, i've closed the chapter on one relationship and started another - could this be the final chapter? i guess it's just the way it is - we've both grown and found that we're both looking forward to a different end with different perspectives. like all relationships, we take the good and the bad and make the best of it.

professionally, i've changed my status and i'm being pulled by the tide. it's been a while since i've had control of my working life (have i ever been in control?). i'm now based in the yangon, myanmar. and although i've only been here for 4 months, i could already be coming to the end of my hitch here. 2010 has been a good year, 2011 was a reality check. i wonder what's in store for 2012?

amongst my friends, my best friends are getting married - the last of them, jacky, would be getting married next year. ly is already expecting a child this october. it's great to see we're capable of being grown ups despite all of our foolishness when we were younger.

i would love to write more about the places that i've been to this year - yangon and paris. but i found neither the time nor the words to describe those places. i'll try but with no guarantees.

i am in desperate need to rediscover my drive. to have the passion and desire in my heart again. i've been drained emotionally this year. trying to rediscover myself and failing time and again to understand what is lacking in me. at times, i've lost sight of what i am chasing.

but all is not lost. it's not as bleak as it sounds. my pillars of hope and strength is as close to my heart as ever. writing this post is only the first step. this will be a new chapter and i hope it will be filled with as many adventures as my mind and soul could endure.

from krabi with love

been meaning to write this for some time now but it just never came to be. not sure if it's the hectic effect of 2010 or just being plain lazy. a more fashionable reason - writer's block. pick any one of the excuses.

=)

ever since i could remember, bringing my mum to a beach in another country has always been in my list of things to do. on jan 24th 2011, i could scratch that off my list as we headed off to krabi, thailand for a short vacation. it was a break that i, myself was really looking forward to - no internet, no mail, no phone. just my mum, my dad, jennie and myself by the beach spending quality time.

wasn't too sure about the accommodation as the booking was made just a couple of days before the trip and i admit no homework or research was done, just went along with suggestions on the internet. however, as we headed off to railay bay on one of the traditional long boats, i've got a good feeling it's the right choice. what else would you say when you're greeted by a sight like this?

the whole picture just spells out "vacation" in so many different languages doesn't it?

the first day was spent just checking out railay bay and strolling around the beach. it's not actually an island but the bay is inaccessible which explains why we had to take a boat ride to the bay.

the view on the left end of the beach

the view on the right end of the beach

cliffs like these surrounds the bay and prevents any vehicle access. these cliffs also made railay bay a rock climbers paradise as many of them came to conquer these cliffs. we are of course there to be lazy therefore no such ambitions were made. =)

railay bay was quite different to the other hotspots around in thailand. compared to pattaya or phuket or krabi, it is a rather simple and quiet place. very little hustle and bustle that you would come to expect of a tourist attraction. there is a short street that sells souvenirs and necessities, but other than that, it has almost a non-existent night life.

day 2 started pretty early for us as we’re off on an island hoping tour where we’re taken off to a beach, 2 islands and a snorkeling spot. the beach was actually just on the other side of the bay – nothing too exciting except for a cave temple filled with wood carvings.

can you guess what the carvings are?

the second stop is a series of island that is connected when the tide is low but gets split up when the tide rises.

picture moment before everyone gets wet… =)

one of the paths connecting the islands

modeling on the rocks

this would make a pretty good advert for having a good time, no?

on to the snorkeling spot – this I would have to admit was rather disappointing as there were not too many variety of fishes around us. we did however spent quite some time here, and I added another mission to my list of things to do – get my mum into the water!

swimming (floating) among fishes

the final stop was an island where lunch was provided. the beach on this island was just beautiful – white, soft sand and sparkling clear water. the weather was spot on as well during our short stop here – bright, blue skies and a comfortable breeze. perfect combination for a lazy afternoon.

back from the island hoping, jennie and i rented ourselves a canoe to explore the waters around the bay on our own. it all started pretty smooth – the weather was good, and the seas were calm. we got to a few caves, snapped a few pictures and we were getting comfortable on the canoe. so we’ve decided to try to make it to the other side of the bay.

we only just got out of the caves and that’s when things turned ugly real fast. within a minute, the wind picked up around us and the sea turned on us like a wild beast. it started pouring. we tried to make our way back to the beach but the winds were holding us back. and in a blink of an eye, we were underwater as our canoe capsized. at that moment, so many thoughts flashed through my mind – especially the cliff about 50 meters away with waves slamming into it. i know we need to get as far as we can from that cliff. but we were helpless in that weather – we turned the canoe around, climbed back in and tried to paddle our way towards the beach but made no progress. every meter gained, the waves pulled us back by 2. it was in all that as well, that we realize how useless the emergency whistle tied to our life jackets was. we tried to signal a passing boat to no avail. no one could see us, no one could hear us. after about 30 minutes, we gave up and decided to just wait out till the weather subsided as we were wasting our energy trying to go against that kind of weather. and that was when a fishermen boat turned up out of nowhere right next to us. help at last! i can’t describe how grateful we were for those men who towed us back to shore. we could have been stuck out there for hours if not for them, and no one would realize we’re out there. once we got back to shore and returned the canoe, i think we’ve both had enough of canoes for the near future.

our favorite hang–out spot – a small, cozy restaurant by the beach

at nights, we spent most of our time just strolling by the beach and window shopping in the few shops that was set out. there is this one restaurant by the beach that played good music and they even have straw mats laid out on the beach where we could sit to enjoy a hot cup of coffee. i think except for the first night, every other night was spent on the beach there before we retired to the room. it was good to be there, with no worries.

it’s been a while since i had such a relaxing vacation with my parents. as with any other vacations, when the time came for us to check out, i was reluctant. wasn’t really looking forward to getting back to reality. back to being so busy, so absorbed in work that many things are left behind and abandoned. i’ll write this down as a reminder that every once in a while, i’ll have to stop and cherish what i treasure most – the people around me.

leaving on a tractor – i lost my rayban in the canoeing incident, so we got the shirt instead… =)

goodbye railay bay, we had a blast!

Official Annoucement

Guess...it is time for me to stop updating this blog. It has been bothering me for sometimes. Finally I am able to annouce it here. Mainly because for the past few weeks I was unable to log into blogger.

No one knows about the future. Neither do I. I don't know that will I update this blog in the future or not. But one thing for sure, for this period of time, I will stop updating it.

At this moment, don't expect anything from me anymore. Let's wait for Mr Nic to update it. =) Which....we shall sllllllowwly wait for it. LOL.

it's about time

it's about time i start writing here again. it's been a little more than 3 months since my last post. and the one before that goes back all the way to july 25th 2010. i would blame it on my hectic and unforgiving schedule but i know that's no excuse. anyway, this is my first post of the year and fingers crossed, it will be the first of many more to come this year. the first post of the year would not be completed without a re-cap would it?

so. 2010. it's been filled with ups and downs. both professional and personal. i would want to go through month by month and re-live all the joys and sorrows through the year. but. it is 11 pm and i've gotta finalize a few things for work tomorrow.

i've always wanted to write but did not do so because i know i would not have enough time to pour everything out in words (like now). but because of that, tomorrow becomes next week. next week becomes next month. and when i realize it, another year has come and gone. so i hope this post would start the ball rolling and i would gather some momentum to keep writing.

coming up soon on this space - 2010 in a glance (pictures included)

=)

it belongs to?

We had some conversation going on about the future of this blog. Shall I keep this? Shall we maintain this? Or actually I should return this blog to Nic?

His latest blog is Nov last year. Abandon it for almost 4 months. However, I shouldn't complain much since I am not that active either.

What shall I update? My life? Not much different. The only thing is I am getting more and more adapt to the life at Shanghai. My circle of friends are expanding. No longer only colleagues now. After join the volleyball with some expatriates at SH, I make friends with them. Besides, the few Malaysian which I met over here are nice to hang out together as well. We looked for Malaysian food together, mock at China Chinese, complained about whey there are so many Singaporean restaurant but not Malaysian restaurant and etc.

Inner me? I am getting more stubborn and live my own way lately. Back to the same old me. Someone who don't bother about how other people think or look at me. I just finish a book by Haruki Murakami. When he received the Jerusalem Prize, he said: " Between a high, solid wall and an egg that break against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg."

Haruki Murakami is trying to say that each of us is an egg and we shall not be afraid to confront the high wall or the system. But in my definition, I would rather to define the wall as the society or the norm. Lady Gaga said "born this way". For me, it means we should live our life for our self. With no fear and no need to meet other's people perspective

Lately, many people around had passed away. My aunt, my colleague's father, grandfather, or grandmother. Shanghai has a big fire last year, it took away 53 life in one fire. The rate of divorce at SiChuan increase dramatically after the earthquake. Grey's Anatomy Season 6 last episode is a big mass murder in the Seattle Hospital. And Christina Yang decided to walk down the aisle after she survive from the incident. Everyone might leave this world by tomorrow or even the next second.

I saw many of my friend are getting married lately. Kam said that he got 60+ couples of friend who tie the knot in these 2 years. I wish that I can be a normal girl who able to feel peer pressure or age or whatever it is. With these pressures, it can makes a girl to settle down or start considering of getting marriage. But that is just not me. Since young, I always do the thing I want. I wear cloth or fashion that I want. Buy stuff that only I feel it is nice.

What I am trying to say here is, live the way you want. Life is short, too short for you to live yourself for other person. Why shall we achieve all the target other people want us to be? Why shall we do things that other people want us to do? Why shall I live the way other people want me to live as?

I used to live my own way of life for a very long period of time. But, I was lost once. I wish that I can find back my own path, walk on the rest of my destiny with my way. Feels like walking over the cloud. I can see the shine from the sun. =)

ps: By the way, I am leaving on the jetplane tomorrow. Going back to Malaysia for Chinese New Year holiday. Keep finger cross that shanghai won't be snow. And my plane can depart on time.

The Coming of 2011

What I had done for the past one year?

Broke 2 wine glasses and 3 glasses.
Cut my long hair which has been with me for ages. Back to my boy-cut hair style.
Transfer to a country that I never been before. Start building up my circle of friends over here.

Did those things that meaningless to the world. Bring any values to myself? No idea.

Getting older and older. My thinking is growing faster than my age. My pessimism, ignorant, arrogant is pouring out from my body. Being myself again.

Is that consider the best thing I had done so far?
Finally, I am willing to face myself? Dare to look into the mirror and start pondering about the life I have instead of being the ostrich bury his head into sand.

I am still on the journey searching for the answer for life.
Where I want to be?
What am I going to do?
When I want to settle down?
Who I want to be with?

God, show me the light, guide me to the right path.
A new year. A better one.

Love

Who is the one makes me cry? Makes me smile?
Who is the one can trigger my emotion effortlessly?
Who can make my eye got red within sentences?
It is still you.

I am someone who doesn’t show sadness, happiness in front of others.
But in front of you, my emotion is not in my hand but yours.
There is once I thought that no one can touch my heart anymore.
I was wrong until I met you.

After all this years, those memories are unforgettable and irreplaceable.
You will always be in my heart.